Exam tomorrow ; Block 1.6 .

Yesterday I was so fed up of life I wanted to leave this world for good. I had lost all faith in this world …. I really was or rather am looking for ways to live.

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I ve decided not to let failure define me .If I am not a good person in another person’s life it does not mean I have to give up on live entirely.

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Mustapha came to see me today , brought me some material for studying as my laptop had crashed a few days back.  I just poured out every thing I had on my mind. He just suggested I should focus on studying and not let depression attacks want me to give up on this world.

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I’m still trying to make up my mind . There are very little reasons to live in this world …. I really have to start looking very hard for them .

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I really want to be happy …. But as it seems I don’t know how to be happy    .

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Smiling seems to help ,
My goal now is to be the most I can be , without any body’s opinion. The person whose opinion matters most is Me .

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Even if nobody likes me …. I accept me … I love me … And that is really what matters most .

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Exam tomorrow ; Block 1.6 .

Yesterday I was so fed up of life I wanted to leave this world for good. I had lost all faith in this world …. I really was or rather am looking for ways to live.

image

I ve decided not to let failure define me .If I am not a good person in another person’s life it does not mean I have to give up on live entirely.

image

Mustapha came to see me today , brought me some material for studying as my laptop had crashed a few days back.  I just poured out every thing I had on my mind. He just suggested I should focus on studying and not let depression attacks want me to give up on this world.

image

I’m still trying to make up my mind . There are very little reasons to live in this world …. I really have to start looking very hard for them .

image

I really want to be happy …. But as it seems I don’t know how to be happy    .

image

Smiling seems to help ,
My goal now is to be the most I can be , without any body’s opinion. The person whose opinion matters most is Me .

image

Even if nobody likes me …. I accept me … I love me … And that is really what matters most .

image

Goodbye World

I have had enough of this world , I’m fed up of being examined on things I have to memorize.
I am tired of not being good enough. I am tired. I am tired of not being good enough . I am tired of being this monster. And I am tired , just really tired.

I’m still waiting for the reason I have to live …. Still trying to find one, but still haven’t found it yet . I need a lot of that . But then again…. As every moment of every second and every minute passes, I find myself not able to find that which I need.

I feel like the worst person alive . Still don’t feel like I’m being too harsh on me. Still feel like its not who I am meant to be , whatever I’ve done so far in life , I feel like it was a lie I’ve been telling myself .

Even this dumb things I write away in the remote corners of the internet, I still find myself loathing it all .

I am waiting for the reason to live ….. As I am seated in this Laboratory filled with all of my class mates.  I find it difficult to find myself once more.

All I want from this life is to be happy , but I keep getting ostracised for who I am .
I’m really just fed up .I really am.

Remorse

Remorse,

Regret,

Sanity,

As a person, I’ve really come a long way, but today I have realised that all the pride and happiness I get from being proud of being a good person is just a lie.

I just have a really bad mouth…. And I keep saying things I shouldn’t , I feel like a complete arse , I shouldn’t be allowed to treat people like this.

But then again I don’t know how to control that …. I have so much light in me , but its like I’ve snapped it shut in a shell because of the way I talk .

I wish I were dumb. 😐:'(

But then again another challenge to complete …. 😐 😓

Hating myself for this , but then its a chance to change something . I don’t feel like myself ……. And I’m beginning to hate myself for what I’m doing to all the people in my life . I just need a break from myself. The more I try , the worse I become. And I feel terrible .